for a while now, we’ve nurtured a dream of being a fortune-teller in a purple tent with jangling bracelets, a gold-capped tooth, and a faraway look in our eyes.
so, since we’ve already got a circus tent at the little brown house, we decided to give fortune-telling a go — with a little help from the chronicle fortune-telling books of names, birthdays, and dreams. these books are small enough to hide in the palm of your hand, so no one need know you’re getting some help in the divining department. forget natural fortune-telling talent: all you need is the capacity to enthusiastically improvise!
and, because we know you’ll be intrigued, we thought we’d share each of our fortunes (and our improvisations and asides) with you. (by way of clarification: the birthday book describes your personality based on the date of your birth; the name book tells your fortune based on your name; and the dream book explains the deeper meanings of your dreams.)
the fortune of Claire, born 25 march
birthday: ‘through your openhearted, generous nature, you will make many real friends and a happy marriage. you are careful and thrifty, and you will follow the plans you make for your future with care and precision to a successful conclusion.’ (hehe. marriage. you can not escape your fortune, dear Claire.)
name: ‘the stars shine brightly on you. what you perceive as bad luck is opportunity in disguise.’ (well that’s no surprise — that’s because Claire IS a bright star!)
dream: ‘being late — you are overextending yourself. don’t take responsibilities you can’t handle.’ (does that mean that if one is running late, one should just stay in bed so as not to overextend oneself?)
the fortune of Cathie, born 7 june
birthday: ‘you are impulsive, act quickly, and are easily discouraged, although you are a loyal friend and always anxious to help those in need. you are sympathetic and sensitive, and you love with your whole heart and suffer deeply if love is not returned to you with an equal strength.’ (we totally agree about the ‘love with your whole heart’ bit, but ‘easily discouraged’? now, that can’t be right. we’ll just ignore that bit.)
name: ‘a gift you have forever coveted will be bestowed upon you by a close friend.’ (shoes?)
dream: ‘frog — an auspicious omen. peace and contentment are on the horizon.’ (we have a mental image of a frog-buddha sitting fat and contented and bestowing his good will upon Cathie.)
the fortune of Diane, born 10 september
birthday: ‘you are uncommunicative and do not like to be questioned about your own affairs or those of anyone else. you are ambitious and resourceful, as well as impulsive and emotional, and you are guided by your intuition. you love your home and family and are capable of a deep and fervent love.’ (if you are guided by your intuition, Diane, perhaps you are the one amongst us best suited to be a fortune-telling gypsy. don that headscarf, gold-cap that tooth, and start learning how to make dream catchers! you can use the tent.)
name: ‘a crisis will arise, and family and friends will turn to you to take control.’ (ugh, no. not a crisis, thanks.)
dream: ‘urination — a dream of urinating omens the resolution to a problem.’ (how wetting your pants is the resolution to, and not the creation of, a problem, we’re not too sure.)
the fortune of Kimberley, born 14 march
birthday: ‘you are fond of society and a conversationalist, and your company is sought by all. you are energetic and a clear thinker. with your blessed combination of ambition and friendly disposition, you should achieve great success in anything you undertake.’ (is it mere coincidence that the person who’s actually writing this post appears to have the most complimentary fortune? we think not. we suspect a bias.)
name: ‘an unexpected legacy from a distant relative will ease your financial woes.’ (that sounds alright. god knows you have enough distant relatives, Kimberley.)
dream: ‘coffin — to see yourself in a coffin is a sign of contentment and happiness in your future.’ (seriously? contentment and happiness in a coffin? we are doubtful, very doubtful.)
as you can see, telling fortunes is fun and addictive! is anyone else game enough to learn what their future holds? because, you know, we’d be more than happy to give you some clues.