This Valentine’s Day, I would like to declare my love to my boyfrand. His name is Rupert and he hangs out in my bed all day, lounging about waiting for me to come home and cuddle him. He has deep, soulful eyes and he’s the best listener in the world. Sometimes, when I get stressed out I might bite his ear or put my finger in his bellybutton. On the 14th, I’ve made big plans for us to stay in and watch a movie and I’ve promised that if I spill my ice cream on him while we’re in bed, I will put him in the washing machine.
Now, you might not have a soft toy zebra for a boyfrand (we should all be so lucky), but you know what I’m talking about when I say finding a good Valentine’s Day gift is hard, right? I mean, how do we even take Valentine’s Day? I still haven’t decided if I want to celebrate the meaningfulness of my relationship by candlelight, stab the mass-conglomerate-marketing-commercialised-man in his heart by avoiding it altogether, OR make light of the whole thing with a cute a quirky gift that isn’t going to force me to eat cabbage and cereal for the next month. Ultimately, I want to let my boyfrand know I think he’s pretty cute (OK, totes cute) so this year I’m going for the latter. Luckily for me and ma boyfrand, Jumping Tangents has some brilliant gift ideas:
I thought about getting ma boyfrand this love monkey hot water bottle, but do zebras like monkeys? Will he get competitive? I don’t know if Rupert devotes a lot of thought to this issue but I don’t want to upset him (especially as he’s already been through the wash once this week).
Next up, I thought what about a lovers’ massage book? The only problem here is that Rupert doesn’t have fingers as such and I don’t know how dexterous hooves can be …
Rupert doesn’t speak much so I wondered if this Love Listography would be the perfect way to boost our intellectual connection, but I have suspicions that Rupert doesn’t really have any thoughts. One time, I accidentally sat on his head but it doesn’t seem to have affected his demeanour at all. Perhaps he doesn’t store his brain there.
So, this is a more suitable gift for Rupert. The lovers’ card case is beautiful and practical – a rare combination. Rupert doesn’t have any cards, but maybe he could put this in his pocket? Well, if he wore pants he could put it in his pocket. Perhaps I should also buy him pants. But, well, we all know pants are the Devil. Maybe the lovers’ roller ball is a better idea.
Sometimes ma boyfrand and I go on walks, so The Lover’s Path should be perfect for him! He can read it in bed all day, and then tell me about it when I get home. Just like that, I think I’ve found Rupert the perfect gift.
If you’re still trying to find something for your boyfrand, why not check out our For Your Lover category? Better yet, you can call us (0800 586 786) or email (firstname.lastname@example.org) any time.
Love Claire x